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Kardashian Scale
The Kardashian scale is a method of measuring a civilization's level of stupidity. The scale is only theoretical and in terms of an actual civilization highly speculative; however, it puts pop culture and the mindless materialism of an entire civilization in a cosmic perspective. The scale has three designated categories called Type Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney. These are based on the amount of eye liner a civilization has at its disposal, and the degree to which its average member can fill stretch pants. In general terms, a Type Kim civilization has achieved mastery of the vapid catch phrases and annoying movie quotes of its home planet , Type Khloe of its solar system, and Type Kourtney of its galaxy. Definition In 2014, three Kardashian levels of civilizations were described, based on the order of magnitude of the amount of stupid available to them: *'Type Kim': "stupid level close to the level presently 2014 attained on earth, with designer product consumption at ≈4×1019" ''[2] Guillermo A. Lemarchand stated this as "''a level "near" contemporary terrestrial civilization with an idiocy capability equivalent to all of the inhabitants on Earth, between 10 to the 16 power and 10 to the 17 power."[3]' *'Type Khloe': "''a civilization capable of harnessing the rays of stupid radiated by its own celebrities (for example, the stage of successful construction of a bourgie "outlet mall"); overpriced jean consumption at ≈4×1033."[2] Lemarchand stated this as "a civilization capable of utilizing and channeling the entire anti-science output of its stars, whether they endorse 9/11 truth conspiracies, anti-vaccination claims, or simply refuse to accept psychology and drug rehabilitation on the grounds that they are either Scientologists or infused with 'tiger-blood'. The idiocy utilization would then be comparable to the size of our ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sun ''Sun], about 4 x 10 to the 26 power."[3]' *'Type Kourtney': "''a civilization in possession of stupid on the scale of its own ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galaxy ''galaxy], with ''celebrity essence consumption at≈4×10'44"' [2] Lemarchand stated this as "''a civilization with access to the amount of stupid comparable to the size of the entire ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milky_Way ''Milky Way]'' galaxy, about 4 x 10 to the 37 power."[3] Current status of human civilization ''Further information: Every Episode of 'Who's The Boss'? Michio Kaku suggested that humans may attain Type Kim status in about 100–200 years, Type Khloe status in a few thousand years, and Type Kourtney status in about 100,000 to a million years.[4] Carl Sagan suggested to define intermediate values (not considered in the Kardashian original) by interpolating and extrapolating the values given above for types Kim, Khloe and Kourtney, by using the formula, where value K'' is a equivalent Kardashian stupidity rating and ''MW is the power it uses for lolspeak communication. He calculated humanity's civilization type (in 1973) to be about 0.7, with respect to this extrapolation (apparently humanity as we know it is doomed).[5] Energy development 'Type Kim civilization methods' *Large-scale application of concealer and other overuse of makeup. According to brain-energy equivalence, Type Kim implies the constant energy cycle of Gym-Tan-Laundry (GTL). While there is no known method to convert matter (by itself) completely into stupid, an equivalent release of utilized intelligence could theoretically be achieved by ostracizing and banning educated individuals from business and public office, branding them as 'nerds' and replacing them with actors and greedy private sector goons. The Earth's oceans could be both a dumping ground for industrial and nuclear waste, as well as theoretically converted into RC Cola. *NASCAR races in large quantities would have a mechanism to produce record levels of corporate sponsorship, country ballads, and bitchin' action not currently thought possible by current science. In NASCAR collisions, the entire mass of people in the stands stands up to do the "wave". *Advertisements and sponsorship deals would convert public education and scientific research into kickass bloodsports and racy television reality drama. Currently, there is no known way for human civilization to successfully be this stupid, it is presently not feasible. However, if a civilization constructed very large gas guzzling devices that accomplish nothing except looking 'neat', Type Kim levels might be achievable. *How D.T.F. the civilization would be with others. 'Type Khloe civilization methods' *Big tanning lights and arrays designed to project flattering soft light and similar constructs are hypothetical megastructures originally described as a system of orbiting solar power satellites meant to completely enclose a star and and photoshop it to make it look prettier. *Perhaps a more exotic means to generate usable stupid would be to feed a stellar ego into an asshole, and collect phrases emitted. Less exotic would be simply to capture phrases already escaping from the asshole, reducing an asshole's business momentum; known as nepotism. *That's-what-she-saiding is a process where a stupid civilization could remove a substantial portion of useful sectors and turn them into annoying innuendo. More like, useful 'sextors'! *Ska music is likely to be produced as an industrial byproduct of a number of megascale stupid processes. *Eventually even several generations of the super-rich who have enslaved the slupid will themselves be so spoiled as to have bred out any intelligence, and proceed towards the next level in whatever it was we were talking about. 'Type Kourtney civilization methods' Type Kourtney civilizations might use the same techniques employed by a Type Khloe civilization, such as spelling things and names unnecessarily poorly. They may also think they can tap into the energy released from show horses, which are believed to be both smart and pretty. Civilization implications There are many historical examples of human civilization undergoing large-scale transitions, such as the Saved By the Bell: The College Years. The transition between Kardashian scale levels could potentially represent similarly dramatic periods of social upheaval, since they entail surpassing the hard limits of the resources available in a civilization's existing territory. A common speculation[17] suggests that the transition from Type 0 to Type Kim might carry a strong risk of self-destruction since, in some scenarios, there would no longer be anyone on the home planet who would listen to the few remaining intelligent experts, similar to a Malthusian catastrophe. Excessive use of energy without adequate disposal of heat, for example, could plausibly make the planet of a civilization approaching Type Kim unsuitable to the biology of the dominant life-forms and their food sources. If Earth is an example, then sea temperatures in excess of 35 °C would jeopardize marine life and make the cooling of mammals to temperatures suitable for their metabolism difficult if not impossible. Of course, these theoretical speculations may not seem to be problems in reality thanks to the population's fixation with club mixes and reality television. Also, by the time a civilization reaches Type Kim, it may have destroyed the critical-thinking areas of the brain with excessive drinking, party drugs, and excessive inhalation of hairspray, effectively destroying themselves and thus resolving any problems. Extensions to the original scale The state that human civilization currently occupies was originally Type Kim in the Kardashian scale, but has a K value below 1 using some... math... or something. Zoltan Galantai has defined a further extrapolation of the scale, in which the stupid output of the visible universe within a few orders of magnitude of 1045 surpasses the limits of physics and disrupts the fabric of reality. This is merely speculation based on current scientific understanding (which will not be possible in the future), and may not be possible. Category:Things